arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
