exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
