And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
