Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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