don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
