i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
