she woke up with a sticky ear
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
