I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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