Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
