The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
