He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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