its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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