The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
