im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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