i was born a porn star she said
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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