Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
