When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
