Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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