Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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