I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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