I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
