Who did Billy Mays play for?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
