I swear god or herbie drove my car home
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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