if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
