i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
