Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
