Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
