Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
This is the high leading the old right now
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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