sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
