and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
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