hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
