and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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