i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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