I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You are a genius and a whore.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
