so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
