You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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