addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
