This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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