you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
