You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
