You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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