Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
