What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
