I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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