I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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