yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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