I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
