just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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