Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
