glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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