I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
