Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
