i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
